You Don't Need Romeo To Be Juliet, You Alone Can Be Enough.

For as long as I can remember, I love love. I love sappy rom coms, silly romantic novels and anything to do with romance. I'd cry at every little romantic gesture and I'd sob when the main characters break up or have a fight even though I knew they would have a happy ending. I never understood why those characters in the movies would ever give up on love when it was so extraordinary and beautiful because surely love was always worth fighting for. Somewhere along the way, the hopeless romantic in me died. I still love all those sappy things related to love but to me, they are purely fictional.

Outside this beautiful fantasy is the harsh reality of this modern world in which humans have become all too self indulgent in the world we've created. Sex, money, drugs...what more could we possibly want. Sex; so we can fulfil that basic human need by physically connecting with another person. In fact you don't even need a relationship of any sort to have sex these days with the help of dating apps you can get yourself a good fuck without any sort of emotional vulnerability. Money; because we're in a cost of living crisis so we need money to secure us some stability in our lives...and if we work really hard, we can even afford luxuries. Drugs; because at the end of the day everyone has some sort of inner demon but why face it when you can just repress it over and over again?

It's no wonder as a collective, so many of us are just deeply unhappy people. We have become all too fearful of the things that truly make us human. Being clinically depressed as long as I have, I am no stranger to wondering what is the point of all this? I've been mentally stable for about 6 solid months now without the help of any medication for the first time in about 9 years and to me I think the purpose of life is to grow. It's not about the final goal but instead the journey of cultivating experiences and growing. Growing pains are very real because growth is ultimately an uncomfortable experience. Nothing changes in a place of stagnant and so many people hold on to that stability whether or not it truly makes them happy.

I've recently moved away from the place I've called home for the past 4 years and the place all my friends and family are currently at. I was finally mentally stable, I had a job surrounded by people that inspire me everyday, friends who love and support me, and my parents who moved halfway across the world. I was comfortable. I had a routine and it was home. However, that was all it was. I was stable and comfortable but I needed to move because I needed to grow onto the next stage of my life and if I stayed I wouldn't have been able to do that. I'm now in a new city, waiting to start my job with a brand new team, staying in an Airbnb whilst trying to find a solid place to live amidst a renting crisis and I have never felt more excited despite having little to no stability at this very moment of time. Before I got here I was terrified. I was leaving everything that was so comfortable to embark on this journey of so many things that are unknown of me. However, I found solace in the fact that I can only predict the negative through my anxiety therefore if this risk included so many ways it can go wrong, I can't even begin to imagine how many things can go right. I have a deep innate feeling that everything is going exactly the way its meant to.

I am hoping now that I'm living in a big city, I am able to make new genuine connections with people. I think I started this post coming from a place of cynicism because I just finished a rom com and it dawned on me that from my empirical experiences, there is absolutely no way I will ever find the love that I consume through books and media. I am disillusioned with men and is frankly doing my absolute best to cling onto the sprinkle of hope that there are men out there that treat women with kindness and respect but it does sometimes feel like swimming against a giant tsunami through this attempt. I'm starting a new chapter and this is a chapter about love. However, that love doesn't come in the shape of a man building me a big white house with blue shutters. It comes in the form of me in which I spend every day falling in love with person I have become, growing and learning from the world around us. It comes in the form of me practicing gratitude for my life and for the things I am going to achieve as well and things that I already have. I can't romanticise the conditions we are faced with in the modern day dating pool, but I sure as hell can romanticise the life I have and will continue to build for myself.

Nicole x